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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be effective with your children. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down--to--earth, respectful approach of Faber and Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding.
Recently revised and updated with fresh insights and suggestions, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk is full of practical, innovative ways to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships.
Recently revised and updated with fresh insights and suggestions, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk is full of practical, innovative ways to solve common problems and build foundations for lasting relationships.
286 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1980
About the author
Adele Faber
77 books297 followersAdele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,257 reviews
February 27, 2009
Should be subtitled, "Baby Boomer Parents Backlash Against Harsh Old-School Discipline." If you weren't the kind of parent to call your kids names or whup them one on the rear end in the first place, this book has little to offer you but either validation or frustration. I was looking for a book that would help me communicate better with my very stubborn 2.5 year old, and while the cartoons in this book were pretty entertaining, they didn't do much more but revisit the obvious. Don't live through your child's achievements, don't call names, address the behavior rather than labeling the person, use "I" statements--wait, didn't we all do this in about 1982? I recognized my parents and inlaws in a couple of the "bad" examples, but my own personal shortcomings are more along the lines of being too lenient or unclear or wordy, as with most of my generation of parents, and the book seemed mostly to approve of that.
I started out parenting in the hippie "gentle discipline" camp, where they teach you to redirect instead of saying "no" all the time, and so forth, and have found as time goes by that my daughter and I both require more structure and less touchy-feely talk. I want to be authoritative without crossing the line to the kind of bad old days meanness shown in the bad examples in this book, but the book didn't do much to show me that middle ground. I recommend this book if you're in the habit of boxing your kid's ears, talking like a sitcom dad, or ranting at the drop of a hat about lazy freeloaders. Otherwise, it's probably too basic to help.
I started out parenting in the hippie "gentle discipline" camp, where they teach you to redirect instead of saying "no" all the time, and so forth, and have found as time goes by that my daughter and I both require more structure and less touchy-feely talk. I want to be authoritative without crossing the line to the kind of bad old days meanness shown in the bad examples in this book, but the book didn't do much to show me that middle ground. I recommend this book if you're in the habit of boxing your kid's ears, talking like a sitcom dad, or ranting at the drop of a hat about lazy freeloaders. Otherwise, it's probably too basic to help.
March 16, 2008
A friend, a previous yeller, recommended this book. I found it very helpful, especially since we just had our second child who had colic and the 6 year old and I were no longer communicating well.
It teaches a way to talk that names emotions, and acknowledges the emotions that often a child cannot articulate.
For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed in our house." or, "He's too young to understand how special those are to you, so how can we keep your things safe?"
You let your child know you are paying attention to how they feel, before you focus on solving the problem and it seems to release a pressure valve for them and for you.
The second thing they emphasize is to make correcting behavior about the behavior, and not about the child. Instead of "Get your homework! You always forget things!" you just say, "Homework needs to go to school with you."
There techniques eliminate the blaming and other behaviors we learned as children and replace them with more helpful ways to dialogue and focus on solving the problem versus seeking to blame. One of the best communication books I've ever read.
It teaches a way to talk that names emotions, and acknowledges the emotions that often a child cannot articulate.
For example, instead of saying "You shouldn't be mad at your brother, he's only three!" you say "I can see that it makes you angry when he messes up your things. But yelling is not allowed in our house." or, "He's too young to understand how special those are to you, so how can we keep your things safe?"
You let your child know you are paying attention to how they feel, before you focus on solving the problem and it seems to release a pressure valve for them and for you.
The second thing they emphasize is to make correcting behavior about the behavior, and not about the child. Instead of "Get your homework! You always forget things!" you just say, "Homework needs to go to school with you."
There techniques eliminate the blaming and other behaviors we learned as children and replace them with more helpful ways to dialogue and focus on solving the problem versus seeking to blame. One of the best communication books I've ever read.
August 22, 2021
يطرح هذا الكتاب الشيق والمُمتع مهارات التعامل والتحدث مع الصغار ، قد يبدو صعباً تقبل فكرة تطبيق عدداً من الوسائل للوصول إلى حلول حاسمة للمشكلات التى تواجه الآباء في تربية أبنائهم ، وكما أنه ليس بالضرورة أن تُصلح لجميع الصغار ولكن لابد من المحاولة والتصديق على الغاء فكرة أن البالغين دائماً على صواب وأن ليس الأبناء يمثلون مشكلة بذواتهم ولكن المشكلة فى التواصل بينهم وبين آبائهم
عن تلك المعارك الصغيرة التي تندلع بين الصغار والتى تحدث يومياً كما لو أنها نسخة متطابقة تتكرر في كل أسرة دون استثناء..
- ماما..لقد أخذ لعبتي المفضلة..
- هي من تعمدت إغاظتي....
-ماما...لقد ضربني
-ماما...هو ضربني أولاً...
-أين....؟
-لابد وأنه الرضيع من أضاعها ...🤪
عن علاقة الآباء بصغارهم وكيف يمكنهم التعامل مع الألم ، الغضب ، والاحباط.. ، وأن يهتموا لمشاعر صغارهم والاصغاء اليهم..، الترغيب في تعاون مشترك ووضع خططاً تضم اقتراحات الطرفين وتفعيل الأنسب والأفضل لكليهما ، تشجيع الاستقلال والاعتماد على أنفسهم ، الثناء الذي لا يتلخص في قول رائع وعظيم بل بذكر التفاصيل التي نالت اعجاب الوالدين وعندئذٍ يعزز لدى صغارهم الثقة بالنفس وتقدير الذات..
تحرير الأولاد من صفات معينة تلتصق بهم امثال عنيد...مزعج..متكاسل..كل ذلك يؤذي مشاعرهم ، تلك الوخزات الصغيرة العابرة تنخر ارواحهم وتنمي لديهم الرغبة بالانتقام دون الاحساس بأخطائهم...
المهمة صعبة ..متطلبة لطاقة مسعفة وقدرة على التحمُل وتقبل خيبة توقعاتنا لكن بالنهاية ليس علينا أن نقلل من شان تأثير الكلمات ولنكن لطفاء مع انفسنا ومع صغارنا....
بعد الإطلاع على المهارات والتعليمات الواردة بالكتاب ، لا أدري لماذا تضحك أختي من حدسي بشأن توقف صغارها لاحقاً عن المعارك الصغيرة... 😍
عن تلك المعارك الصغيرة التي تندلع بين الصغار والتى تحدث يومياً كما لو أنها نسخة متطابقة تتكرر في كل أسرة دون استثناء..
- ماما..لقد أخذ لعبتي المفضلة..
- هي من تعمدت إغاظتي....
-ماما...لقد ضربني
-ماما...هو ضربني أولاً...
-أين....؟
-لابد وأنه الرضيع من أضاعها ...🤪
عن علاقة الآباء بصغارهم وكيف يمكنهم التعامل مع الألم ، الغضب ، والاحباط.. ، وأن يهتموا لمشاعر صغارهم والاصغاء اليهم..، الترغيب في تعاون مشترك ووضع خططاً تضم اقتراحات الطرفين وتفعيل الأنسب والأفضل لكليهما ، تشجيع الاستقلال والاعتماد على أنفسهم ، الثناء الذي لا يتلخص في قول رائع وعظيم بل بذكر التفاصيل التي نالت اعجاب الوالدين وعندئذٍ يعزز لدى صغارهم الثقة بالنفس وتقدير الذات..
تحرير الأولاد من صفات معينة تلتصق بهم امثال عنيد...مزعج..متكاسل..كل ذلك يؤذي مشاعرهم ، تلك الوخزات الصغيرة العابرة تنخر ارواحهم وتنمي لديهم الرغبة بالانتقام دون الاحساس بأخطائهم...
المهمة صعبة ..متطلبة لطاقة مسعفة وقدرة على التحمُل وتقبل خيبة توقعاتنا لكن بالنهاية ليس علينا أن نقلل من شان تأثير الكلمات ولنكن لطفاء مع انفسنا ومع صغارنا....
بعد الإطلاع على المهارات والتعليمات الواردة بالكتاب ، لا أدري لماذا تضحك أختي من حدسي بشأن توقف صغارها لاحقاً عن المعارك الصغيرة... 😍
September 8, 2020
لا تربي ابنا مؤدبا الابن المؤدب مشروع انفجار. لا يعجبك هدوؤه وادبه وطاعته لك لانه يراكم الشر بداخله و سياتي يوم وينفجر في وجهك او سيمضي حياته باكملها مؤدبا ومطيعا مطيعا لاستاذه مطيعا لمدير عمله مطيعا مطيعا الى ان يمرض ويموت....ربي ابنا قويا يخاف الله ولا يخاف البشر يستحي من الله ولا يخجل من البشر لديه اخلاق لكن مع اول حركة خاطئة يخرج انيابه ومخالبه وجانبه المتوحش. وظيفتك ليست ترويض الوحش وتاديبه وظيفتك ان تجعل وحشك الصغير يندمج مع المجتمع ويفهم قوانين المجتمع ويتصرف بطريقة لا يتسفز بها احد ولا يسمح لاحد باستفزازه. وظيفتك ليست تقطيع مخالب وانياب طفلك وظيفتك ان تعلم متى واين وكيف يستعمل مخالبه وانيابه. غير مسموح الحاق الضرر بشخصية الطفل تحت مسمى التاديب والترويض لا يسمح بتوجيه اهانات لشخصه لا يسمح بضربه لا يسمح بالتقليل من شانه
الكتاب رائع رائع رائع. عادة لا اثق بهذا النوع من الكتب لكن طبقته على اولاد خالتي وصدمت. الطفل يحتاج لمن يسمعه ويحتاج للتعبير عن مشاعره سواء عبر الكلام او الرسم .... الطفل لا يفهم المحاضرات الطويلة العريضة التي يلقيها الكبار جملة قصيرة وكلمات تقال بطريقة حازمة كافية لجعله يفهم. وانت تربي طفلك احرص على عدم تدمير شخصيته بالاهانات والعقاب بالضرب امنحه حرية التعبير والاختيار والمساعدة في حل مشاكله هذا يتطلب الكثير من الصبر والممارسة لكن الا يستحق طفلك ذلك . ونصائح اخرى ستساعد من جهة الاباء على التقليل من التوتر وشغب الاطفال ومن جهة اخرى على تربية طفلك دون ايذائه
الكتاب رائع رائع رائع. عادة لا اثق بهذا النوع من الكتب لكن طبقته على اولاد خالتي وصدمت. الطفل يحتاج لمن يسمعه ويحتاج للتعبير عن مشاعره سواء عبر الكلام او الرسم .... الطفل لا يفهم المحاضرات الطويلة العريضة التي يلقيها الكبار جملة قصيرة وكلمات تقال بطريقة حازمة كافية لجعله يفهم. وانت تربي طفلك احرص على عدم تدمير شخصيته بالاهانات والعقاب بالضرب امنحه حرية التعبير والاختيار والمساعدة في حل مشاكله هذا يتطلب الكثير من الصبر والممارسة لكن الا يستحق طفلك ذلك . ونصائح اخرى ستساعد من جهة الاباء على التقليل من التوتر وشغب الاطفال ومن جهة اخرى على تربية طفلك دون ايذائه
December 17, 2023
In a Nutshell: Might have worked better for me had I actually read it when I was supposed to read it. Some good methods and exercises herein. A tad outdated, though a revised version might be available now.
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I am not a person for nonfiction guides. But when my elder girl was a toddler, I was hit by this bug of purchasing some parenting books. I bought two books, read one five years after purchase, and was so bored by it that this second title stayed unread till now, a dozen years later. Don’t take this as an indicator of the quality of the books. It is more of a ME problem – this head isn’t built for self-help or advice guides.
This book covers various aspects of effective communication with children. To those with young kids, this book can offer some sensible advice on how to get your point across without either pampering or punishing. There is textual content as well as case studies, comic strips with examples, questions & answers, and practical exercises in every chapter. Quite a lot of important and relevant topics are covered, such as alternatives to punishment, dealing with feelings, rejections, and tantrums, stopping the tendency to lecture, correct, or multitask when kids are talking, true listening, and developing a mutually harmonious relationship.
I did enjoy the comics depicting the varying situational responses, but honestly, some of the suggested replies felt sarcastic to me. My favourite part was the section on descriptive praise – I implement it in real life and it was nice to see the technique corroborated as a suitable one.
If I had read this a decade ago, it would have served its purpose as a learning tool. But now, I was reading the book more in judgemental mode, checking if the techniques were usable and relevant. As an experienced parent, most of the content was already familiar to me. Parenting is anyway a job learnt with experience than with advice. Still, some parents might find the content useful, though you would do well to remember that no single method works for all. Common sense is your best guide in parenting (and in everything else.)
This book was first published in 1980. There have been many revised editions since. My paperback is the 30th anniversary edition published in 2013 – the era before the social media boom and before every teenager and child had a smartphone of their own. So much of the content is now dated. I must appreciate the addition of a special section at the end, written by the daughter of one of the original authors, detailing HER experience of parenting the next generation. This is more updated and inclusive, and covers some tough topics. I hope a newer version that tackles phone addiction has also been released.
I felt a bit cheated as well as relieved that the main content lasted only till page 239 in a book of 350 pages. The rest is letters by parents, detailing how they used the prescribed techniques in their own parenting.
Recommended to those who enjoy learning behavioural techniques from books. A good time to begin reading this would be when your child is just a baby, so that by the time the terrible twos come, you are prepared, or at least as prepared as you can realistically be.
As I said, I am not fond of such nonfiction works. After 50 pages or so, my attention started to dwindle. So honest confession: I speed-read the rest, paying 100% attention only to the comic strips. But I'm still counting this book in my annual goal, dammit! I'm way behind schedule and this will make amends for all the picture books I haven't counted for my reading challenge. 😎
Hitting the midway rating because it isn't the book's fault that I picked it up a decade too late, and the content is good enough.
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Connect with me through:
My Blog || The StoryGraph || Instagram || X/Twitter || Facebook ||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am not a person for nonfiction guides. But when my elder girl was a toddler, I was hit by this bug of purchasing some parenting books. I bought two books, read one five years after purchase, and was so bored by it that this second title stayed unread till now, a dozen years later. Don’t take this as an indicator of the quality of the books. It is more of a ME problem – this head isn’t built for self-help or advice guides.
This book covers various aspects of effective communication with children. To those with young kids, this book can offer some sensible advice on how to get your point across without either pampering or punishing. There is textual content as well as case studies, comic strips with examples, questions & answers, and practical exercises in every chapter. Quite a lot of important and relevant topics are covered, such as alternatives to punishment, dealing with feelings, rejections, and tantrums, stopping the tendency to lecture, correct, or multitask when kids are talking, true listening, and developing a mutually harmonious relationship.
I did enjoy the comics depicting the varying situational responses, but honestly, some of the suggested replies felt sarcastic to me. My favourite part was the section on descriptive praise – I implement it in real life and it was nice to see the technique corroborated as a suitable one.
If I had read this a decade ago, it would have served its purpose as a learning tool. But now, I was reading the book more in judgemental mode, checking if the techniques were usable and relevant. As an experienced parent, most of the content was already familiar to me. Parenting is anyway a job learnt with experience than with advice. Still, some parents might find the content useful, though you would do well to remember that no single method works for all. Common sense is your best guide in parenting (and in everything else.)
This book was first published in 1980. There have been many revised editions since. My paperback is the 30th anniversary edition published in 2013 – the era before the social media boom and before every teenager and child had a smartphone of their own. So much of the content is now dated. I must appreciate the addition of a special section at the end, written by the daughter of one of the original authors, detailing HER experience of parenting the next generation. This is more updated and inclusive, and covers some tough topics. I hope a newer version that tackles phone addiction has also been released.
I felt a bit cheated as well as relieved that the main content lasted only till page 239 in a book of 350 pages. The rest is letters by parents, detailing how they used the prescribed techniques in their own parenting.
Recommended to those who enjoy learning behavioural techniques from books. A good time to begin reading this would be when your child is just a baby, so that by the time the terrible twos come, you are prepared, or at least as prepared as you can realistically be.
As I said, I am not fond of such nonfiction works. After 50 pages or so, my attention started to dwindle. So honest confession: I speed-read the rest, paying 100% attention only to the comic strips. But I'm still counting this book in my annual goal, dammit! I'm way behind schedule and this will make amends for all the picture books I haven't counted for my reading challenge. 😎
Hitting the midway rating because it isn't the book's fault that I picked it up a decade too late, and the content is good enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connect with me through:
My Blog || The StoryGraph || Instagram || X/Twitter || Facebook ||
April 20, 2008
There is good advice in here if you don't already employ many of the suggestions herein. Since I already do, I didn't find it any sort of revelation. I read it in the hopes of finding a way to make my 4-year-old listen to me on the subject of "DON'T RUN AWAY FROM MOM AND DAD, PARTICULARLY IN A CROWDED PLACE - IT IS NOT A GAME", but was disappointed to find no help on that front. I'm afraid "Sweetie, please don't run away - it makes us worried" and "How do YOU think we can help you to stop running off, Pumpkin?" just don't cut it!
July 21, 2007
Oh dude this book is awesome! It's intended as a guide for parents and educators to help them communicate with kids, but instead I got my hands on it when I was about nine years old, and it helped me refine my own immature communication skills. A life-changing book for me, for all the wrong reasons.
Currently reading
March 25, 2009I read this book about 5 years ago. At that time the boys were 3 and 1. I appreciated the book then, but absolutely adore this book today. This book was first published in 1982, but when it comes to parenting I think that the really good advice is timeless. In re-reading "How to talk..." I am discovering that many of the times when I am most effective/happy with myslelf as a mom I am using the principals that I read in Faber and Mazlish's wonderful work. The book is an extraordinarily valuable tool. It ought to be handed to parents on their way out of the hospital after their children are born and perhaps parents should be tested on the material before their children are admitted to public kindergarten. Tongue-in-cheek? Well, sort of...
I heartily disagree with other reviewers who believe that readers who aren't yellers/hitters won't garner anything of value from the book. I am neither, and yet Faber and Mazlish give parents such wonderful ways to say the mundane things that we have to say all the time.
I heartily disagree with other reviewers who believe that readers who aren't yellers/hitters won't garner anything of value from the book. I am neither, and yet Faber and Mazlish give parents such wonderful ways to say the mundane things that we have to say all the time.
Want to read
January 21, 2020Damn tiny humans.
October 14, 2019
هر وقت تو رابطه ی با دخترم مستأصل میشم میرم سراغ این کتاب خیلی آرومم میکنه و اجازه میده سنجیده تر رفتار کنم.
بنظرم از اون کتابهاست که حیف میشه والدی نخونه.
خود کتاب در بخش پایانیش یه متن نوشته که چرا باید این کتاب رو بخونیم که بنظرم حق مطلب رو ادا کرده.
بخشیش رو اینجا می نویسم
وقتی دنبال راهی هستیم که درباره ی خودمان احساس خوبی داشته باشیم و به کسانی که دوستشان داریم کمک کنیم تا آنان نیز درباره ی خودشان احساس خوبی داشته باشند.
بدون عیب جویی و تهمت متقابل با دیگران زندگی کنیم .
نسبت به احساس همدیگر حساس باشیم.
در برابر نیازها�� کودکان مان با احترام رفتار کنیم.
دنبال راهی باشیم که موجب شود کودکان مان مسئول و دقیق بار بیایند.
و...
بنظرم از اون کتابهاست که حیف میشه والدی نخونه.
خود کتاب در بخش پایانیش یه متن نوشته که چرا باید این کتاب رو بخونیم که بنظرم حق مطلب رو ادا کرده.
بخشیش رو اینجا می نویسم
وقتی دنبال راهی هستیم که درباره ی خودمان احساس خوبی داشته باشیم و به کسانی که دوستشان داریم کمک کنیم تا آنان نیز درباره ی خودشان احساس خوبی داشته باشند.
بدون عیب جویی و تهمت متقابل با دیگران زندگی کنیم .
نسبت به احساس همدیگر حساس باشیم.
در برابر نیازها�� کودکان مان با احترام رفتار کنیم.
دنبال راهی باشیم که موجب شود کودکان مان مسئول و دقیق بار بیایند.
و...
May 3, 2010
Read this. Reading it again. And again. And again.
A powerful tool. Recommended by my pediatrician to help us communicate more effectively with our ADHD twin boys. But this is a great resource for all children and their parents.
Quick and easy to read. Not too dry or preachy. Timeless advice.
Other reviews have suggested this book is for "REALLY bad" parents who don't have "a clue" how to speak to their children. Or that this book will teach you "emotionless parenting" and fails to address how and when to give your children the advice they need.
I strongly disagree with these sentiments. While many parents come to this book in crisis, I caution them against feeling they are currently bad parents. Most of us parent like we were parented. And it's not until we come to an impasse that we realize what we learned may not be the best way. We are not bad. We were simply uninformed. You will be far more informed (and enlightened) on how to address your children's emotions and offer advice at a time and in a way they can hear you after reading this book.
A powerful tool. Recommended by my pediatrician to help us communicate more effectively with our ADHD twin boys. But this is a great resource for all children and their parents.
Quick and easy to read. Not too dry or preachy. Timeless advice.
Other reviews have suggested this book is for "REALLY bad" parents who don't have "a clue" how to speak to their children. Or that this book will teach you "emotionless parenting" and fails to address how and when to give your children the advice they need.
I strongly disagree with these sentiments. While many parents come to this book in crisis, I caution them against feeling they are currently bad parents. Most of us parent like we were parented. And it's not until we come to an impasse that we realize what we learned may not be the best way. We are not bad. We were simply uninformed. You will be far more informed (and enlightened) on how to address your children's emotions and offer advice at a time and in a way they can hear you after reading this book.
June 27, 2019
Had good info and tips, but not 100% realistic regarding how quickly things would improve. After reading this I'm not sure I would recommend it.
Better you check out Talking to Toddlers program by Chris Thompson to helps you to approach the most effective methods to deal with your kid's behavior. It consists of the easy methods and tricks to involve your kids in listening and doing as you ask. You also can learn what the most common language mistakes parents make which can cause your kids to do the opposite of what you want.
Better you check out Talking to Toddlers program by Chris Thompson to helps you to approach the most effective methods to deal with your kid's behavior. It consists of the easy methods and tricks to involve your kids in listening and doing as you ask. You also can learn what the most common language mistakes parents make which can cause your kids to do the opposite of what you want.
November 1, 2013
A bit of a mixed bag. It has some useful insights and ideas that I want to try out, but also is heavily in the lets collaborate with our kids to see if we can come to a mutually agreeable solution camp, which I have yet to buy into.
I tried some of the techniques in the book in the following scenario: My 9 year old daughter often leaves the sink a mess after brushing her teeth. I would normally just tell her, "go clean out the sink" and she would, possibly accompanied by a roll of the eyes or attempt to blame her brother. This time I tried a couple of techniques from the book, rather than an order I gave her a description of what I saw, I said, "I see a bunch of tooth paste in the sink." Response: "sorry," while continuing to do whatever she was doing. I moved on to the next technique, describe my feelings or the consequences of the action, I say, "you know when you leave the sink like that mommy ends up having to clean it up and she is tired and has lots of other things to do too." Response: "sorry," showing no indication that she was thinking about getting up and cleaning the sink. Finally, I say, "go clean the sink" which she does accompanied by a roll of the eyes or attempt to blame her brother.
I tried some of the techniques in the book in the following scenario: My 9 year old daughter often leaves the sink a mess after brushing her teeth. I would normally just tell her, "go clean out the sink" and she would, possibly accompanied by a roll of the eyes or attempt to blame her brother. This time I tried a couple of techniques from the book, rather than an order I gave her a description of what I saw, I said, "I see a bunch of tooth paste in the sink." Response: "sorry," while continuing to do whatever she was doing. I moved on to the next technique, describe my feelings or the consequences of the action, I say, "you know when you leave the sink like that mommy ends up having to clean it up and she is tired and has lots of other things to do too." Response: "sorry," showing no indication that she was thinking about getting up and cleaning the sink. Finally, I say, "go clean the sink" which she does accompanied by a roll of the eyes or attempt to blame her brother.
August 3, 2014
حينما تقرأ خاتمة هذا الكتاب ستعرف بأنه "باكورة" مشروع لن ينتهي، ومشاريع تمت فعلا. كتاب واقعي بمعايير عالية جدا بسيط في أسلوبه صريح وقوي في مواجهته لعيوب التربية مميز في وضعه لتمارين داخله يمكن تنفيذها بكل سهولة. دليل عملي لابد من الرجوع إليه عدة مرات. يواجه الأهل بضعفهم و يرشدهم لطريقة تدارك الخطأ. هذا الكتاب لابد أن يُدَرّس ويُحَوّل لدورات تدريبية مستقلة ومتعددة.
July 11, 2015
It's more effective than a medical prescription!!
Very simple cards of instructins make you feel better about yourself and your child
It gave me the feeling that everyone can be perfect parent , but we have to keep it in mind :)
HAPPY READING
Very simple cards of instructins make you feel better about yourself and your child
It gave me the feeling that everyone can be perfect parent , but we have to keep it in mind :)
HAPPY READING
February 13, 2022
Don't believe people reading on their Kindle in the métro are only 50-Shades types, they may simply hide that they are reading self-help or parenting books. I was actually quite ashamed of reading this one, which I got as a Daily Deal on Amazon. It turned out to have extremely ugly cartoons, commonsense principles ("it may not be that good an idea to hit your child") and relatively good advice. As the title suggests it's all about unprejudiced communication between parents and children. You may not be monkish enough to apply all the solutions listed in there but the authors are quite good at pointed out all the little ways parents nag at their kids. It can't hurt to think about it and change.
March 17, 2020
I enjoyed this. While the examples are aimed at dealing with children, they're very easily applicable to dealing with adults as well.
My favorite takeaways were:
-Focus on the positive, praise the things you like.
-Avoid advice, instead ask questions
-Beware the self-fulfilling prophecy, and instead focus on the positive
-Use descriptors and personal feelings instead of praise or condemnation
My favorite takeaways were:
-Focus on the positive, praise the things you like.
-Avoid advice, instead ask questions
-Beware the self-fulfilling prophecy, and instead focus on the positive
-Use descriptors and personal feelings instead of praise or condemnation
August 14, 2022
به نظر من سخت ترین کار دنیای امروز فرزندپروری است فلذا بر همهی پدران و مادران واجب است تا به هر طریق راه و روش صحیح این امر خطیر را بیاموزند و بکار بندند تا فرزندانی شایسته و نیکو از هر جهت که آرزوی همهی ماست پرورش دهند.
این کتاب نیز دریچهای پیش روی والدین میگشاید تا رابطهی بهتر و صمیمانهتری با فرزندان خود برقرار کنند.
مطالب در هفت فصل به مخاطب ارائه میشود که سعی میکنم مختصر توضیحی در مورد هر عنوان بدهم:
۱. به کودکان کمک کنیم احساساتشان را درک کنند:
زمانی که کودکان احساس درستی داشته باشند رفتار درستی نیز خواهند داشت.
چگونه به کودکان یاری رسانیم تا احساسات و عواطف درستی بیابند؟
با پذیرفتن عواطفشان!
۲. استفاده از همیاری:
-آنچه را میبینید توصیف کنید.
-اطلاعات را در اختیار کودکانتان قرار دهید.
-دربارهی احساسات و عواطفتان صحبت کنید.
-منظورتان را با یک کلمه بیان کنید.
-یادداشت بنویسید.
۳. جایگزینهای تنبیه:
والد دانا (آگاه) کاری میکند که کار به تنبیه نکشد.
اول از همه طاقت خود را بالا ببریم. اشتباه سهوی به هیچ عنوان تنبیه نشود. تنبیه یعنی آگاه سازی، پس بهترین روش محرومیت است. خشونت و داد و دعوا نداریم. بیشترین چیزی که یادگیری کودک را کاهش میدهد تنبیه فیزیکی و داد زدن است.
به جای تنبیه میتوانیم:
-بدون حمله به شخصیت کودک تقبیح شدید خود را بیان کنیم.
-انتظارات خود را جزء به جزء شرح دهیم.
-راه جبران خطا را به کودک نشان دهیم.
- به کودک فرصت دهیم.
-با موضوع برخورد فعال داشته باشیم؟
- مشکل گشایی کنیم.
۴. تشویق به استقلال شخصیت:
- بگذارید کودکان خود انتخاب کنند.
-برای تلاش کودک احترام قایل شوید.
-بیش از اندازه سوال نکنید.
- در پاسخ گویی به سوالات عجله نکنید.
-کودکان را تشویق کنید تا منابع بیرون از خانه استفاده کنند.
- امید را از دست ندهید و به کودک امیدواری دهید.
۵. ستایش:
اگر بر خصلتهای خوب کودک تاکید شود تا آخر عمر برایش محکی خواهد بود تا در مواقع تردید و دلتنگی به آن رجوع کند. او در گذشته کاری کرده که به آن مباهات میکند و درصدد آن است که دوباره انجامش دهد.
ستایش کودکان سبب بالا رفتن اعتماد به نفس آنان میشود.
بهترین راه ستایش کردن، توصیف کاری است که کودک انجام داده. احساساتتان را از آن اتفاق توصیف کنید و رفتار شایستهی کودک را با کلمهای خلاصه کنید.
۶. آزاد کردن کودکان از ایفای نقش:
کودکان را همانگونه که هستند دوست بداریم و به احساساتشان اهمیت دهیم. حتی اگر ناراحت، عصبانی یا خشمگین هست باز باید بداند که برای ما عزیز است و نخواهد برای یک عمر نقاب بر چهره بزند.
برای رها کردن کودک از ایفای نقش چند راهکار وجود دارد:
- در پی فرصتهایی باشید تا به کودک تصویر جدیدی از خودش ارائه دهید.
- کودکان را در موقعیتهایی قرار دهید که بتوانند خود را به گونههای مختلف ببینند.
- بگذارید کودکان تصادفا از شما مطلب مثبتی دربارهی خود بشنوند.
- برایش شرح دهید چه الگوی رفتاری را میپسندید.
-سنگ صبور لحظههای ویژهی کودکانتان باشید.
- وقتی کودک شما طبق برچسب گذشته عمل میکند، احساسات و انتظارات خود را برایش ��رح دهید.
۷. جمع بندی:
برای آزاد کردن کودکان از ایفای نقش، باید بتوانیم همه احساسات، استقلال، تمجید، جانشینهای تنبیه و کلیهی عملکردها را توامان بهکار ببریم.
اجازه ندهیم خودمان نقش والد خوب، بد، سهلگیر یا سختگیر را ایفا کنیم. بیایید در وهله اول به خودمان به عنوان انسانی با توانایی عظیم و بالقوه برای رشد و تغییر بیندیشیم. روند زندگی و کار با کودکان نیروی زیادی مطالبه میکند و آن را به تحلیل میبرد. دل، هوش و بنیه میخواهد.
بگذارید نسبت به خودمان به اندازهی کودکانمان مهربان باشیم. اگر کودکانمان هزاران شایستگی و فرصت دارند، خوب بیایید باز هم یکی بیشتر به آنها بدهیم. بیایید به خودمان هم هزار فرصت بدهیم.
۰۱/۵/۲۴
این کتاب نیز دریچهای پیش روی والدین میگشاید تا رابطهی بهتر و صمیمانهتری با فرزندان خود برقرار کنند.
مطالب در هفت فصل به مخاطب ارائه میشود که سعی میکنم مختصر توضیحی در مورد هر عنوان بدهم:
۱. به کودکان کمک کنیم احساساتشان را درک کنند:
زمانی که کودکان احساس درستی داشته باشند رفتار درستی نیز خواهند داشت.
چگونه به کودکان یاری رسانیم تا احساسات و عواطف درستی بیابند؟
با پذیرفتن عواطفشان!
۲. استفاده از همیاری:
-آنچه را میبینید توصیف کنید.
-اطلاعات را در اختیار کودکانتان قرار دهید.
-دربارهی احساسات و عواطفتان صحبت کنید.
-منظورتان را با یک کلمه بیان کنید.
-یادداشت بنویسید.
۳. جایگزینهای تنبیه:
والد دانا (آگاه) کاری میکند که کار به تنبیه نکشد.
اول از همه طاقت خود را بالا ببریم. اشتباه سهوی به هیچ عنوان تنبیه نشود. تنبیه یعنی آگاه سازی، پس بهترین روش محرومیت است. خشونت و داد و دعوا نداریم. بیشترین چیزی که یادگیری کودک را کاهش میدهد تنبیه فیزیکی و داد زدن است.
به جای تنبیه میتوانیم:
-بدون حمله به شخصیت کودک تقبیح شدید خود را بیان کنیم.
-انتظارات خود را جزء به جزء شرح دهیم.
-راه جبران خطا را به کودک نشان دهیم.
- به کودک فرصت دهیم.
-با موضوع برخورد فعال داشته باشیم؟
- مشکل گشایی کنیم.
۴. تشویق به استقلال شخصیت:
- بگذارید کودکان خود انتخاب کنند.
-برای تلاش کودک احترام قایل شوید.
-بیش از اندازه سوال نکنید.
- در پاسخ گویی به سوالات عجله نکنید.
-کودکان را تشویق کنید تا منابع بیرون از خانه استفاده کنند.
- امید را از دست ندهید و به کودک امیدواری دهید.
۵. ستایش:
اگر بر خصلتهای خوب کودک تاکید شود تا آخر عمر برایش محکی خواهد بود تا در مواقع تردید و دلتنگی به آن رجوع کند. او در گذشته کاری کرده که به آن مباهات میکند و درصدد آن است که دوباره انجامش دهد.
ستایش کودکان سبب بالا رفتن اعتماد به نفس آنان میشود.
بهترین راه ستایش کردن، توصیف کاری است که کودک انجام داده. احساساتتان را از آن اتفاق توصیف کنید و رفتار شایستهی کودک را با کلمهای خلاصه کنید.
۶. آزاد کردن کودکان از ایفای نقش:
کودکان را همانگونه که هستند دوست بداریم و به احساساتشان اهمیت دهیم. حتی اگر ناراحت، عصبانی یا خشمگین هست باز باید بداند که برای ما عزیز است و نخواهد برای یک عمر نقاب بر چهره بزند.
برای رها کردن کودک از ایفای نقش چند راهکار وجود دارد:
- در پی فرصتهایی باشید تا به کودک تصویر جدیدی از خودش ارائه دهید.
- کودکان را در موقعیتهایی قرار دهید که بتوانند خود را به گونههای مختلف ببینند.
- بگذارید کودکان تصادفا از شما مطلب مثبتی دربارهی خود بشنوند.
- برایش شرح دهید چه الگوی رفتاری را میپسندید.
-سنگ صبور لحظههای ویژهی کودکانتان باشید.
- وقتی کودک شما طبق برچسب گذشته عمل میکند، احساسات و انتظارات خود را برایش ��رح دهید.
۷. جمع بندی:
برای آزاد کردن کودکان از ایفای نقش، باید بتوانیم همه احساسات، استقلال، تمجید، جانشینهای تنبیه و کلیهی عملکردها را توامان بهکار ببریم.
اجازه ندهیم خودمان نقش والد خوب، بد، سهلگیر یا سختگیر را ایفا کنیم. بیایید در وهله اول به خودمان به عنوان انسانی با توانایی عظیم و بالقوه برای رشد و تغییر بیندیشیم. روند زندگی و کار با کودکان نیروی زیادی مطالبه میکند و آن را به تحلیل میبرد. دل، هوش و بنیه میخواهد.
بگذارید نسبت به خودمان به اندازهی کودکانمان مهربان باشیم. اگر کودکانمان هزاران شایستگی و فرصت دارند، خوب بیایید باز هم یکی بیشتر به آنها بدهیم. بیایید به خودمان هم هزار فرصت بدهیم.
۰۱/۵/۲۴
September 19, 2022
ما يحتاجه الناس في جميع الأعمار في لحظة الضيق، ليس موافقة الآخرين أو مخالفتهم، بل يحتاجون إلى من يعترف بما يعانون .
October 7, 2008
Philosophically I agree with the discipline practices this book explains, but the examples with parents smacking their kids or labeling them with words like "greedy" felt so extreme that it was sometimes hard to read through it to get to what the authors advocated one should do. I did appreciate the tips pages on helping children deal with their feelings, engaging a child's cooperation, alternatives to punishment, and alternative to "no". The chapter on praise is one of the best explanations I've read so far about the negative effects of praise.
October 26, 2022
الترجمة جميلة والتعليق الصوتي ع ستوريتل اجمل
بجد الكتاب ده لازم كل حد يقرأه عايز يجيب اطفال أو عنده اطفال فعلا 😌👌👌
بجد الكتاب ده لازم كل حد يقرأه عايز يجيب اطفال أو عنده اطفال فعلا 😌👌👌
August 23, 2021
Firstly, I am a student in my mid twenties, I don't have kids, but I know that some day I will have them.
But the reason why I started to read this book, is not only to educate myself on how to better raise children, but because, if you look around, mostly 99% of all adults are still kids (that is my subjective conclusion). I figured out, in order to communicate better with my peers and adults in general, I need to know how to talk with their inner child.
And let me tell you, I have been using/practicing all the tips and tricks, and methods on my peers, parents and other adults, and it works!
They really feel heard when I name their feeling, or I give them an option, or I praise them by describing what they did rather than just saying "good job". I try to make win-win situation by using problem-solving approach to find a consensus that suits both parties.
I really recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn on how to talk and listen to not only kids but also adults, because there is a child within all of us.
But the reason why I started to read this book, is not only to educate myself on how to better raise children, but because, if you look around, mostly 99% of all adults are still kids (that is my subjective conclusion). I figured out, in order to communicate better with my peers and adults in general, I need to know how to talk with their inner child.
And let me tell you, I have been using/practicing all the tips and tricks, and methods on my peers, parents and other adults, and it works!
They really feel heard when I name their feeling, or I give them an option, or I praise them by describing what they did rather than just saying "good job". I try to make win-win situation by using problem-solving approach to find a consensus that suits both parties.
I really recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn on how to talk and listen to not only kids but also adults, because there is a child within all of us.
November 11, 2021
اینو قرض گرفتم تا برای کار جدیدم بخونمش و استفاده کنم از راهکاراش،تا حالا همچین سبکی نخونده بودم قطعا…(تربیت فرزند و کودکان !! 😂🤦🏻♀️)
ولی زندگی عجیبه ! خلاصه که آره ! خوندمش و به نظرم کتاب خوب و کاربردی بود و میتونه ذهنمونو برای نوع رفتارمون با بچه ها باز تر کنه :) و کمک کنه تا بیشتر مراقب رفتار و گفتارمون باهاشون باشیم :)
اگر احیانا بچه دارین و یا با بچه ها سروکار دارین به نظرم میتونه مفید باشه :)))
ولی زندگی عجیبه ! خلاصه که آره ! خوندمش و به نظرم کتاب خوب و کاربردی بود و میتونه ذهنمونو برای نوع رفتارمون با بچه ها باز تر کنه :) و کمک کنه تا بیشتر مراقب رفتار و گفتارمون باهاشون باشیم :)
اگر احیانا بچه دارین و یا با بچه ها سروکار دارین به نظرم میتونه مفید باشه :)))
February 10, 2013
كتاب رائع ,وهو كما يقول العنوان ,كيف تتحدث الى الصغار ,يخبرك الكتاب كيف تحترم مشاعر الصغير وكيف تتعامل مع الطفل العنيد او البليد ,يخبرك كيف تحسن من كلماتك ومفرداتك لينصت اليك الصغير وكي لاتكون انت سببا في سوء اخلاق صغيرك ,قرأته بداية لاعرف كيف اتعامل مع اختى الصغيرة وان كنت ساستخدمه فى التعامل مع اطفالى وباختصار فأن القيم التى يعلمها الكتاب هى كيف تضع نفسك مكان طفلك وكيف تسمع ما تتفوه به اليه من وجهة نظر طفلك ,فمثلا هناك اشياء اذا قلتها للصغير مثل انت عنيد او انت بليد فقد توججه ليؤمن ويعتقد تماما انه كذلك وسيتصرف على هذا الاساس ,يعطى الكتاب امثلة كثيرة وانشطة وهو مايجعله غير ممل على الاطلاق ,سأضمه الى قائمة مشترياتى
June 13, 2016
من أجمل الكتب التربوية الي قرأتها و اثر في تفكيري تاثير كبير
كتاب سلس ..سهل،.ممتع في قراءته
كله تجارب و أمثلة واقعية من مواقف الاباء مع أبنائهم وتطبيقهم للمهارات الموجودة في الكتاب و نتائجها
فيه تمرينات على كل فصل للاباء على استخدام المهارات
و مدعم بصور توضيحية لأمثلة للمواقف بين الاباء و أطفالهم و ما هو التصرف الصحيح و الخاطيء في كل موقف
استمتعت و استفدت جدا بقراءة الكتاب
انصح به بشده لكل من يتعامل مع الأطفال
كتاب سلس ..سهل،.ممتع في قراءته
كله تجارب و أمثلة واقعية من مواقف الاباء مع أبنائهم وتطبيقهم للمهارات الموجودة في الكتاب و نتائجها
فيه تمرينات على كل فصل للاباء على استخدام المهارات
و مدعم بصور توضيحية لأمثلة للمواقف بين الاباء و أطفالهم و ما هو التصرف الصحيح و الخاطيء في كل موقف
استمتعت و استفدت جدا بقراءة الكتاب
انصح به بشده لكل من يتعامل مع الأطفال
August 22, 2009
يمتاز هذا الكتاب بأسلوب رائع موجز ورسوم كاريكاتورية لطيفة توصل المعلومة بطريقة مبتكرة ولا شك أن في الكتب المترجمة ما فيها من مخالفات تفرضها مجتمعات الغرب الغارقة في وهم الحرية .. لكن الكتاب يقدم أسلوبا ممتازا لاحتواء الطفل والتعامل مع مشكلاته بمهارة.
من أروع الكتب التربوية المترجمة ..
من أروع الكتب التربوية المترجمة ..
June 6, 2021
Nice and concrete set of tips, skim it, experiment with the different parts and skip the million examples (afterword starts at 3/5th of the book).
November 18, 2020
"By trying to protect children from disappointment, we protect them from hoping, striving, dreaming, and sometimes from achieving their dreams."
Acepté la sugerencia de la autora y me tomé mi tiempo para digerir cada capítulo presentado en este libro, por lo general entre una o dos semanas. La paternidad está lejos de ser una ciencia exacta, lo aprendido requiere práctica y toneladas de paciencia. No todo funciona para todos: lo que funciona para mi hijo puede no funcionar para el tuyo. En mi caso casi nunca me funcionaba como esperaba pero descubrí que el truco yace, según creo, en adaptar las experiencias para tu propia conveniencia y aprender de tus propios errores. Mi hijo mayor es como una pequeña estrella que entra en supernova ante la más mínima muestra de irritación y, aunque en el pasado mi esposa y yo hemos cometido errores, no es el fin del mundo, lo podemos enmendar. No me gustaría que se hagan la idea de que todo se consigue con pasividad, delicadeza y ternura; la firmeza y el tono son igual de importantes. Eso sí, el castigo no sirve para absolutamente nada más que para crear conflicto y sembrar deseos de venganza.
Si deciden darle una oportunidad al libro, esto es lo que les espera:
1. Enseñando a los niños a lidiar con sus sentimientos
2. Incentivar la cooperación
3. Alternativas al castigo
4. Fomentar la autonomía
5. Elogios y autoestima
6. Liberando a tu hijo de los roles
Si eres de las personas a las que todo esto le sale de forma natural, enhorabuena. En nuestro caso, y quiero creer que en el de la mayoría, necesitamos un empujoncito y muchos, muchos consejos. La paternidad es uno de los trabajos más díficiles y a la vez gratificantes que uno pueda experimentar.
Acepté la sugerencia de la autora y me tomé mi tiempo para digerir cada capítulo presentado en este libro, por lo general entre una o dos semanas. La paternidad está lejos de ser una ciencia exacta, lo aprendido requiere práctica y toneladas de paciencia. No todo funciona para todos: lo que funciona para mi hijo puede no funcionar para el tuyo. En mi caso casi nunca me funcionaba como esperaba pero descubrí que el truco yace, según creo, en adaptar las experiencias para tu propia conveniencia y aprender de tus propios errores. Mi hijo mayor es como una pequeña estrella que entra en supernova ante la más mínima muestra de irritación y, aunque en el pasado mi esposa y yo hemos cometido errores, no es el fin del mundo, lo podemos enmendar. No me gustaría que se hagan la idea de que todo se consigue con pasividad, delicadeza y ternura; la firmeza y el tono son igual de importantes. Eso sí, el castigo no sirve para absolutamente nada más que para crear conflicto y sembrar deseos de venganza.
Si deciden darle una oportunidad al libro, esto es lo que les espera:
1. Enseñando a los niños a lidiar con sus sentimientos
2. Incentivar la cooperación
3. Alternativas al castigo
4. Fomentar la autonomía
5. Elogios y autoestima
6. Liberando a tu hijo de los roles
Si eres de las personas a las que todo esto le sale de forma natural, enhorabuena. En nuestro caso, y quiero creer que en el de la mayoría, necesitamos un empujoncito y muchos, muchos consejos. La paternidad es uno de los trabajos más díficiles y a la vez gratificantes que uno pueda experimentar.
September 21, 2021
Uz burvju mājienu pēc šīs grāmatas par izcili iejūtīgu vecāku nekļūt, taču tā ir lielisks ceļvedis darbam pašam ar sevi un arī ar bērnu. Mazāk vispārīgu jautājumu, pārmetumu un spriedumu, vairāk atvērtības un iespēju bērnam izpausties. Man ārkārtīgi patika un turpinu ik pa laikam pāršķirstīt.
Plašāk blogā: http://lalksne.blogspot.com/2021/09/a...
Plašāk blogā: http://lalksne.blogspot.com/2021/09/a...
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