Sometimes our well-meaning efforts to guide teens backfires, leading them to shut down or push back. It can be tough to get teens to open back up after they think we’ve messed up. There are behavioral adjustments parents can make to get conversations flowing once again. Your tweens and teens will appreciate your efforts and return to you for the guidance they need (and crave!) even if they don’t say it aloud.

Consider these common scenarios. If you’ve experienced any of them, you’re not alone.

The Silent Treatment
You sense your teen isn’t telling you something. You worry it could be important. In an effort to find out what’s up, you repeatedly ask what’s wrong. This often backfires as your teen feels you’re pestering them and wants you to leave them alone. They wonder why you don’t realize you’re actually making things worse. Your repeated questions annoy them. They withdraw into silence or suddenly become “tired.”

 Cold Shoulder
If you’re getting the cold shoulder, you must first acknowledge why your teen is upset. Ease off your questioning. Give them a chance to use their own coping strategies to work through things for themselves. Tell them you’re always available. Allow them to bounce ideas, thoughts, or feelings off of you at any time. Remember the same teen who is silent during your preferred “office hours” may open up late at night. Sometimes just listening is all you have to do to show you care.

 Lighten Up
You see your teen is dealing with a problem. You try to make light of it to help them realize it’s not such a big deal. You may even tease them in hopes they’ll see they don’t have to take themselves or the situation so seriously. This is another no-no for teens as it makes them think you find their problems trivial. They often feel like you don’t understand them. As a result, they think it’s just not worth sharing anything with you.

Take Them Seriously
It’s time to start taking them seriously. (Even if you feel like they are overreacting.) Try sharing a similar experience you had when you were their age to help put things into a different perspective. Show empathy. Sometimes just listening is all you have to do to show you care. A key element of respectful listening is knowing that if something matters to your child…it should matter to you.

Siding With Adults
You hop on board with your teens’ teacher (or coach, or another adult) when they confide in you about a disagreement. The risk here is that next time, your teen likely won’t bother to explain their side of the story. They’ll assume you will side against them — always choosing the adult perspective.

Next time a disagreement surfaces, give your teen your full attention. Listen and ask questions to understand both sides of the story. Suggest they take the perspective of the “other side” for a moment to see what they discover. While you always have their back, sometimes that means helping them understand what others are thinking or feeling.

Source: Reopen Communication After Teens Shut Down